i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
