Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
