All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
