im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
