Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
