I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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