if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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