Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
