Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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