I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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