Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
