Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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