I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
