i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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