Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
