I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Actions speak louder than pants.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
