Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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