I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
