We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
