I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
MIDGETS
????
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
