That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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