We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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