I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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