I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
