I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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