i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
