My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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