you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
