a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
