K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im on a boat
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