I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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