to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
