i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
