He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
