exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
