Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
