Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
