READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
