grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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