you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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