Yo dont text me then not text me
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
