Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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