I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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