is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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