we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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