How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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