WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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