so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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