Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
