Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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