i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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