She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
