How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
