you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
