Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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