just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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