haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
