I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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