More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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