Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
