wat bout pragnant strippers??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
