When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
