The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
