This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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