He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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