brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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