Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
