I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
