Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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