someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
