Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
