He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
