4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
