Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
