It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
