It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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