You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
