My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think a kid would responsible me up
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm too high and old for this...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize